Recently i was at the monastery and i picked up this book that had absolutely nothing to do with monasticism. The book, “The 5 love languages – The secret to love that lasts”, written by Gary Chapman.
The book was thoroughly enjoyable and i would like to share with you the main points Chapman proposes as being the key to having a love filled relationship.
Gary begins his book by informing the reader that both men and woman have an emotional love tank that needs to be filled. If this love tank is not filled we feel empty and unloved which gives rise to endless conflict and dis-satisfactions in our relationships.
He then argues that there are basically five fuels that fill these tanks up.
1. Acts of Service
2. Physical Touch
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Receiving Gifts
5. Quality Time
Gary writes that each individual has a different type of fuel requirement. So for example the person who requires quality time as fuel is only satisfied and feels loved when their partner gives them quality time. This may include, long walks together, sitting down and watching a movie together and so on – lots of togetherness.
The person whose fuel is Acts of service is only satisfied and feels loved when they find their partner helping around the home, doing chores, washing dishes, mowing the lawn and so on.
The person whose fuel is Words of Affirmation, is only content when they are praised and encouraged with kind and uplifting words from their partner. Everything nice said about them, their abilities and achievements is music to the ear and joy to the heart.
The person whose fuel is Physical touch, needs to be touched to feel loved. The pat on the back, the hug, the shoulder to shoulder budge and so on are all intrinsic to these people.
Finally the person whose love fuel is receiving gifts, is only satisfied when they receive gifts even if its something so insignificant.
So as you can see, these love fuels are crucial in having long last love, but whats of greater importance is the need to know your own love fuel and that of your partner.
To complete a questionnare to determine your love language CLICK HERE
Overall a very good read and would recommend the book to anyone interested in having long lasting love.