General Spirituality · Youth Corner

Are you the “Forgiver” or “Grudge Bearer”?

By Bishoy Marcus

It is hard to fathom why some people just get so upset over matters that really do not have any forbearance on their life or future. It amazes me how often people become so down trodden and depressed over very minor and usually insignificant grievances. This perhaps may be some sort of a coping mechanism, perhaps some sort of a way of getting sympathy and acknowledgement, perhaps a way of attaining respect and recognition, whatever it is, people who get overly upset for days, weeks and even years never seem to realise that the things they so much desire are taken away from them when they are upset!

As I have progressed through my own life I have realised there are two main groups of individuals in society, “The Forgiver” and the “Grudge Bearer”. The Forgiver tends to be loved, respected, loved by all and is loved by everyone, laid back, relaxed, adopts an easy come easy go attitude, happier and successful. The Grudge Bearer however is the complete opposite, these people tend to be overly sensitive, exaggerate situations, often upset, unhealthy, lonely or alienated, adopt an attitude that everyone is wrong and they are right, these are the people you walk around afraid to crack their thin glass frame.

I think if you are honest with yourself you will be able to determine which group you belong to, obviously true Christianity calls us all to be forgivers. We pray every “Our Father”, that we forgive those who trespass against us in order for Christ to forgive us our sins. Scripture quotes Christ in black white saying if we do not forgive those who err against us, our Father in heaven will not forgive us. Every liturgy we see that forgiveness is such a common theme, consider the intercessions of the saints before the Pauline readings where we say at the end of each verse “O lord grant us the forgiveness of our sins”. Not only this consider at the end of nearly every deacon response, the deacon ends his response with “and to forgive us our sins”, to which the congregation responds “Lord Have Mercy”.

Forgiveness is not just something we hear about, consider the life of Christ. The incarnation and crucifixion were the biggest acts of God’s forgiveness for the irreparable damage caused by man. Consider Peter who denied Christ three times and was forgiven without a theatrical performance. What about the Samaritan Woman who was forgiven with a smile, or the adulteress woman who was told to go and sin no more.

Don’t get me wrong forgiveness is not easy and unless you have the divine grace to forgive, you will never be able to truly move on with your life. Forgiveness is not a want as many consider it is a need; we have to learn to forgive here on Earth in order for God to forgive us in heaven!

Keep Smiling and Forgiving!

2 thoughts on “Are you the “Forgiver” or “Grudge Bearer”?

  1. Society is made up of more than “two main groups of individuals in society, “The Forgiver” and the “Grudge Bearer”.”

    I can see where you are coming from with your reasoning relating to the bible.

    Doesn’t the bible also teach us not to judge? Haven’t you judged those that may hold a grudge? Looked down upon them for being that way?

    Holding grudges or forgiving others goes deeper than the surface level you see it as. It taps into the psychological side of the individual. How they feel, what they have lived through, who they are and who surrounds them.

    Don’t you think that God will forgive them for what ever it is they are going through or have gone through, regardless of whether they forgive or hold a grudge?

    Isn’t the bible about acceptance? Maybe the person that can be perceived as holding a grudge may be someone that needs to be listened to and understood the most?

    Life isn’t that black and white.

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