In today’s society we hear the word LOVE a lot. But has Love lost its meaning? What does love really mean? What has society taught us love to be? On my search to find the answers to these questions I had a certain concept in mind to explain first, that is the 4 Greek meanings of love. In the Ancient Greek language there were four different words which in modern day language are all translated into the word ‘love’.

The four words are: Agape, Eros, Philia and Storge. Let’s first understand what love really means.

AGAPE

Agape love is used when describing general affection and is usually titled “true love”. It is the love used to describe God’s unconditional love towards mankind. This particular meaning of love is explained perfectly in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” I must point out that every description of love mentioned in this passage was clearly shown by Jesus. He suffered a long time in his torture and crucifixion and yet was so kind he asked God to forgive all those who where the cause of it. Jesus did not envy anything because he didn’t need to, he is God and all is already His.

Jesus did not parade himself like the Pharisees praying in the front of synagogues with loud voices looking for people’s praise rather than God’s. Jesus was never proud (i.e. puffed up) as he humbled himself even to be born in a manger. Jesus never behaved rudely always being kind to all who came and asked for his help and healing those who needed healing. The only reason Jesus came down from heaven was to save US showing his definitely does not seek his own but rather us. Jesus’ love was never provoked it came ultimately from himself as “God is love”.

Jesus was never evil and thought no evil because he is without sin and sin is evil. Jesus is terribly upset by iniquity it is often referred to as equivalent to crucifying Jesus again and again each time we perform an iniquity, hence it is clear Jesus does not rejoice in iniquity but rather rejoices in the truth. Jesus bears our inequities each time we confess them to Him through the sacrament of confession he therefore bears all things.

Jesus believes in each and every one of us, that we are capable of leading a God-fearing life and one based around Him. Jesus has hope in each of us that we turn from all evil ways, that we go through the narrow path rather than the easier wide path. Also Jesus endured suffering, ridicule humiliation and torture to save us from slavery of the enemy. Finally the passage states love never fails, and we most certainly can count on God never failing any of us whenever we need Him. Therefore by this way Jesus shows the ultimate form of love: agape.

EROS

This meaning refers to passionate love, also referred to as sexual love. This love is what we usually see today as lust between non-serious relationships based on one night stands or only based on appealing visual features of the other partner. It comes from the Greek word ‘erotas’ which means romantic. This however does not mean that all relationships that contain romance are relationships of such non-serious nature. It is relationships that are ONLY based on Eros love that I think are categorised as non-serious. For example, a happily married couple may experience Agape love (generally love all features of the other partner physical, emotional and psychological) and at the same time may experience Eros love (having romantic and sexual relations with the other partner).

PHILIA

Philia is the love of friendship, loving someone as a friend only and nothing more. It is often recalled that if feelings exceed that of friendship at any level it has become Eros love. Hence Eros and Philia cannot both be experienced by one person towards another. Philia in modern day society is often misunderstood by the receiving end as Eros love, such confusion is often seen in younger youth believing that they truly ‘love’ someone without the true knowledge of what ‘love’ is. This misunderstanding also often leads to loss of Philia love from both ends of the relationship. From one side a person is irritated that the other understood the friendship as something more, while on the other side the receiver believes they were deceived and hence a perfect friendship is ruined by the misunderstanding of love.

STORGE

Storge is a quite simply explained love; it is literally ‘affection’. In the ancient language it was usually used to describe parents love for their children, siblings love for one another and any more or less ‘permanent’ relationship. By permanent I mean not chosen by the provider or receiver. You cannot choose your parents, your siblings or your children. So we now understand what love really is, how it is categorised and the meanings of each category, you be the judge. Has society changed the meaning of love? Has it blinded us from the true meaning of love? How much do we really owe God for His unconditional love? Another point about love is how we know another person loves us and in which way. We can only understand so much about the communication of love but this is an interesting theory I came across in love communication. It is called ‘The five love languages’ this is a book written by Gary Chapman trying to understand how to communicate to a partner that you love them.

The five different languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. 

1.Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

2.Quality Time

 In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

3.Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

4.Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

5.Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. In conclusion love is a very complicated and yet is taken so lightly in society today and is used beyond measure. To add to its overuse it is used in wrong contexts and by people who don’t know the true meaning. Also we need to understand and identify our partner’s love language to be able to express true love appropriately.

Bishoy Tawadrous

Servant @ St Barbara & St Noufer’s Coptic Orthodox Church